Today was the first day back to work for me and many others in the downtown area.  For the past week I've been checking in with you just letting you know I'm okay.  While checking email today, I read a quote from a friend i had trained with about certain predictions.  In any case, it got me thinking and in that process I responded by retracing some of the feelings and happenings of last tuesday.  For those that are interested, here it is in full...

Stephen...

-----Original Message-----
From: Osada, Stephen
Sent: Monday, September 17, 2001
Subject: RE: not to freak anyone but...

Hey All,

I'm sad to see the Nostradamus go around.  I read an article which said his
predictions were used as propaganda by Hitler.  The funny thing about
predictions is that you can make them true (or match results to them to make
them true enough).  What's more important is how you make your own future.

On another note... For those in New York, great to hear you are okay.  I
wrote my own experience earlier, and thought I'd send it to you guys.  There
are people with much more vivid experiences, people with stories much harder
to hear, and people who's stories will never be told.  After being off work
the past few days, I think recalling that day is a way not to forget the
reality of it, and to continue to make the actions and results that come of
such an event not in vain.  It ends a little weird, but it goes with what
I've been feeling.  It's basically a free-written recall.  For a good image
of lower Manhattan (city hall is in the green triangle to the right of the
devastation in this image) I've included a link to the satellite image.
www.spaceimaging.com/ikonos/wtc0915_2.jpg

On Monday I had just returned from a trip to South Africa where the racism
conference was being held.  I've loosely been following the middle east news
with all that's been going on in Israel.  For those who don't know, the US
had essentially boycotted the conference due to its position on Israel
(correct me if I am wrong here).  In any case, I just made the back of the
downtown A train just after quarter til nine.  As I was riding downtown
leaning against the door I noticed a 3-seater on the other side of the train
that had a person sitting on either end.  Underneath the empty middle seat
was a black birthday bag with a large yellow smiling face on it.  I tried to
ignore it, but it bothered me for some reason--especially because it didn't
look like it belonged to either of the two people sitting.  I began to feel
like I wanted to get off that train or at least away from the bag.  It was a
weird and frustrating feeling.  I figured it had to do with the bombings I
had read about in Israel and such.  I looked around the subway at all the
people who didn't even notice (or thought nothing of it) and tried to relax
by reminding myself we don't have to worry about such things.  I was
relieved though when I pulled in to the 14th street stop and saw the E train
stopping there also.  I immediately switched trains and sat down.  Normally
I walk through the WTC shopping arcade to the N/R line to head downtown to
the whitehall station.  As the train slowed in to the WTC stop everyone at
the platform was moving away from the WTC.  It looked like the morning
commute in reverse.  As soon as I stepped out of the train someone said the
exits to the WTC were closed and we'd have to head up to the streets.  No
problem.  So I headed up the first stairs in the other direction.  As I
rounded the corner to the last set of stairs up to the street there was a
crowd gathered that were not moving and even some that were obviously
heading back down into the station.  I've come to realize now that they must
have seen the debris from the second plane hit the streets in front of them
(this exit faced in the direction of the two towers).  I didn't know that at
the time, so I walked past up to street level, head craned up to see the two
towers aptly described as "smoking like chimneys."  Fortunately, I was
spared seeing anything more than debris when I looked back down to ground
level.  However, when I saw many of the stores with broken windows and stuff
on the ground, I immediately turned right on the next block and walked until
I reached the bottom triangle of city hall park.  I watched the flaming
towers from in front of the J & R Music store there.  People had already
bought disposable cameras and were busy taking pictures.  I crossed the
street for a better view (the millenium hotel was lined up with the second
tower) and watched in disbelief.  I began to hear the stories about planes
heading straight into the buildings.  A teenage couple also watching was
following up on their blackberry or something similar.  That's when I heard
the pentagon was hit.  I also heard camp david was hit at the time (this
proved to be a rumor obviously).  I was shocked and dumbfounded, wondering
what else was happening elsewhere in the country.  Meanwhile, emergency
vehicles were streaming towards the towers.  Looking at how far up the fire
was I couldn't help but think, what can you do to put the fires out that
high?  I thought they must have something designed to water down those
floors.  Also, when I heard people were seen falling from the building, I
couldn't help but think how incredibly hot must it be to choose (or be
forced) to jump out the building. Still, I figured the fires must burn
themselves out eventually and there would just be a gaping hole to be fixed
later on.  Even so I couldn't believe what I was seeing.  I felt horrible
for those who were on those floors and above.  Throughout this time, people
from the towers and surrounding buildings were slowly walking past--some of
them crying and trying to reach friends and family who they knew were still
in there.  Many who witnessed had the same story... hearing and feeling the
first bang, then actually seeing the second plane aim and hit the other
tower directly.  I never would have thought to think what else would happen
right before my eyes.  After deciding to avoid going in any high-rise that
day, I crossed the street to the side of the city hall park and was about to
head north east.  Just then I heard a sound like glass being broken and
scratched against itself... I turned to see the second tower dropping below
sight and a cloud of smoke taking its place.  I also saw a brown cloud
slowly overtaking the buildings south of me.  I couldn't see anything inside
it... I immediately turned and ran north, fearing that I wouldn't be able to
breathe if that cloud overtook me.  I was able to run out of range, but
stood in disbelief where I stopped.  How could this be?  I had to hold back
tears at the thought of those who couldn't possibly have made it down.  It's
a feeling of horror, empathy, fear, and life wrapped in a fragile string.  I
walked west and continued to watch the other tower from the side of a hotel.
Not long after, the second tower fell.  Again people started running, but I
knew we were beyond the reach of the cloud.  That same feeling came over me.
This time though I also felt an unimaginable loss.  I felt like I had just
watched a bad dream and that this ordinary tuesday couldn't possibly be.
It's a hollow feeling inside hoping to see the whole series of events undo
themselves so that nothing happened.  It's like a tasteless magic trick
where I kept waiting for the fake sky and clouds and smoke to be replaced
with two rising towers, full of life.  Holding tears, I walked listlessly
uptown.  From the time I left the subway station I had tried unsuccessfully
to call my family and friends at first to tell them about what was
happening.  As soon as the first tower fell that changed to trying to call
them to let them know I was alive.  None of my attempts were successful.
Walking up soho on now empty streets, I passed a red ford ranger was parked
on the side of the road, doors open, radio tuned to the news.  As soon as I
heard the radio, I turned back and stood by the car listening to the
unbelievable, trying to confirm with my ears what my eyes told me but what
my heart told me I wasn't seeing.  The crowd around the car grew forming a
community of shocked listeners confirming what they were hearing and
comparing to the flattened, smoking skyline ahead.  Suddenly, my phone began
to ring--finally, someone had gotten through.  My friend and roommate Dave
who worked in New Jersey called.  I told him I was okay (in half-belief) and
immediately gave him a list of family and friends to call for me.  I crossed
the street and sat down on a raised platform on the sidewalk exhausted.  I
was so relieved to be talking like it was taking some burden off.  As I was
talking, there was a dog tied to a pole next to me.  For some reason, seeing
that dog was a comfort--a return to normalcy.  After I was done talking, I
sat there for a while.  Looking back downtown and realizing the time for
normalcy would not be now.  I broke off and continued uptown.  A man in a
business suit, covered head to toe in soot and dust was slowly ambling ahead
of me.  He had a surgeon's mask hanging on his neck and a dazed look in his
eyes.  Someone asked if he would like some water and rest and led him inside
to an apartment on the street.  I stopped at the cupping room bar where they
had the tv showing the pentagon and the towers with images of the plane
hitting the second tower.  I stood there as another crowd formed.  If I
hadn't seen it in real life, I don't know if I could believe the "movie"
being shown on our national news.  Again I left and headed further uptown.
I saw a store advertising smoothies.  It was well around noon and I began to
realize how thirsty I was.  When I walked in the store and saw the food, I
realized how hungry I was.  It was purely a stimulus-response pair.  At that
point I don't think I was fully thinking since that meant contemplating the
fate of all those in the towers and the new fate we had to look forward of
dealing with terrorism.  In any case, I had been the only customer for some
time and the guy who worked there was good to talk to.  We heard a loud bang
outside and rushed to the street.  I was never sure what made that sound,
but I got my food and smoothie and continued north to Washington Square
Park.  I sat at one of the stone blocks facing the fountain.  An outspoken
man was arguing with a group of guys about how our country was being taken
from as other people had been taken from before.  I say this vaguely because
by that point I had tuned out what was going around me and focused on the
beautiful day around me.  I walked out through the archway and up the
avenue.  After walking a ways, I looked back, remembering how the towers had
once lined up with the archway--an alignment of past and present.  At the
time, the present seemed as lost as the towers from the image looking
downtown.  Another man covered with debris leaned against a light pole with
friends surrounding him.  As an onlooker recorded him on video camera, one
of the friends angrily blocked the lens.  A white van was parked on the side
of the street further up with it's side and back doors open, radio playing
the news.  A crowd had already gathered, some sitting, others stopping, and
some passing by.  A fanatic man raised a tirade about how we should respond.
People crowded around, I think, eager for a vocal release of their own
feelings.  I continued up and stopped as a procession of eight or nine empty
MTA buses were being led down the avenue by police.  I figured they would
help those covered with debris like the men I saw earlier out of the area.
I crossed 23rd street, stopping at a vacuum store that had it's television
on.  From there, I watched the footage of the towers again, and then the
president's response.  He's indeed a man of good intention.  His conclusion
was a cliche, but his overall message was understandably important.
Finally, I made it up 8th avenue on my way home to 43rd street.  I looked up
to see a hallmark channel advertisement.  In the classic gold lettering it
said:

Story
upon
Story
upon
Story
(No, not the World Trade Center)

I couldn't help but think, no, indeed not anymore.  I just stared at that
sign lost in the meaning and the moment.  People were passing by, probably
wondering why I was just standing there looking up, but not where the towers
once were.  I walked past the crowds of people on the sidewalks outside Penn
Station and then Port Authority.  I turned on my street, trying not to look
at the fire station that represented the lives who had gone to save people
like me only to lose their own lives (as I had heard on the radio and
television by now).  These men and women and others who went to help are the
ones deserving of blessings.  Turning into the high-rise I live in, I was
definitely nervous, though at the time this was eased by knowing all flights
had been grounded.  What a difference family and friends make.  Both the
messages and emails received, and the actual calls I was able to make help
you realize the important things in life.  There's a little more to the
story, like the nervous car ride where you give a second look at the rental
cars and vans going with you across the George Washington Bridge, like the
unsettling feeling of not being unable to contact friends near the area,
like the empathy for friends who went through ordeals and have to think
about the what-ifs, like how it feels when family and friends embrace you
for the first time since feeling the fear of loss, like watching the news
and supporting in your own way the people who have lost and are missing
loved ones, like wondering what to do about your planned cross-country
flight next week, like being the link for people on the west coast that
brings down the degree of separation to one, like hoping desperately to be
able to turn back time and warn everyone not to go into work that day, like
wanting to see justice but not wanting to see the reliving of the japanese
american history involving discrimination based on looks that has been going
on (let those trained for it point out and bring the people involved to
justice), but most of all like being proud to be an american for the
strength of its supportive community and the ideals we will protect through
our strenghtened resolve.  At a recent vigil in Union Square, an artist who
dresses like the Statue of Liberty has raised over a thousand dollars alone
in two days for charity.  She now knows why she is a New Yorker and an
American.  Blood has been taken (voluntarily and not), money has been paid,
now may the hope for justice and peace be served.

Thanks,
Stephen...

-----Original Message-----
From: Celine
Sent: Wednesday, September 12, 2001 12:36 PM
Subject: RE: not to freak anyone but...
 

I've seeen hte movie! :) So it has to be true! :)

-----Original Message-----
From: Justin
Sent: 12 September 2001 17:35
Subject: RE: not to freak anyone but...
 

That's been going around....  I wouldn't pay it much attention.

-----Original Message-----
From: Celine
Sent: 9/12/01 5:57 AM
Subject: not to freak anyone but...

In the City of God there will be a great thunder, Two brothers torn
apart by
Chaos, while the fortress endures, the great leader will succumb" , "The
third big war will begin when the big city is burning" -

Nostradamus 1654